I appreciate the suggestion, but this seems to be for post-menopausal women. I'm only 27. Also, I don't have a doctor. No medical insurance = no way to see one without incurring major debt. I get women's health checkups at the planned parenthood. I have tried talking to the folks at a free medical clinic about my problems, even got a blood test from them to check my thyroid levels, but no one can find anything physically wrong.

I'm thinking the problem stems from my depression, and a lack of resources to deal with the grief I still have over my mom dying about 3 years ago. (I'm trying to find a a local grief support group, but I live in a small city and so far no luck.)

I'm thinking I just have to be good to myself, continue to better my diet and exercise more, let hubby help with the housework and not put so much stress/pressure on myself to be perfect. Hopefully the date nights we have coming up will help us to reconnect.

I still don't really desire sex, but I know it is an important part of a healthy relationship, and I want my husband to feel loved. (side note: it'd be nice if I could feel loved too. No matter how many times he tells me he loves me or that I'm beautiful, it is hard to really believe or feel it.)

I just wish there were a better way to communicate what I want him to do when we're actually going at it. I feel like somethings cracked in my brain - like, he'll start touching one way, and I'll really like it for about 10 seconds, then my brain goes 'okay, now something else'. Suddenly that same touch that was working a moment ago no longer feels pleasurable, and instead feels odd or just strange. How can I communicate that I need a different type of touch, or more/less pressure? When I try to say these things, he gets all frustrated like he's "doing it all wrong" and he just quits trying. But if I just lay there and let him do whatever it is he's doing, it may feel nice for a moment, but then it just feels weird and does nothing to heighten my excitement or desire. In fact, it totally pulls me out of the moment because I'm thinking of how weird it feels. And the worst part is that I don't know what else to tell him to do, my brain just tells me that I want something else, some other kind of touch, but it's not like I know what that is specifically.

And then sometimes I'm totally the opposite, he'll start on something with a particular touch or pressure, and I'll love it and want him to just keep going. If he then changes speed/pressure it can totally throw me off so then I can't climax. At least in this instance, it's easy to say something like "oh yes, just like that, don't stop" etc.

So I guess my question to you as a man is, how can I tell him when I need a change of pace/some other kind of touch, without making him feel like it's his fault or that he's doing something wrong?