At the moment with multiple layers a little too heavy I feel tremendously sad and as if I can't move or do much of anything. There's stress and depletion there as well.

I found out that I have to leave where I work because the place broke the contract and is no longer appropriate. This came suddenly and I'm still not sure it has sunk in. It means that I have to start an immediate termination process that is completely unexpected with very vulnerable clients right at the moment when things felt they were about to take off. They are some of the most disempowered people probably in existence and have so few experiences of being able to trust people. It is sad to give them yet another taste of this from someone who seemed to induce hope for better.

At the same time my relationship with my therapist is changing to the degree that the way it has been may not be able to be continued. I have picked up on this, had some difficulty with it, and finally he told me that he has a health concern and that at this point it is uncertain. He has been pulling away, seeming distant, making mistakes that he usually doesn't. Now I get some of why. While we aren't literally ending like I am with my clients, in a sense the way the relationship has been for years and years is ending and what may become of it is unknown. This seems even harder than a clear cut ending.

I have experienced a great deal of loss, almost every aspect of my life has been touched by loss of one kind or another, some very significant and devastating. All that feels like it is welling up. And I can't figure out how to even do basic routine things.