Thank you both for replying.

I'm in a pretty dark place right now, I'll be honest. I feel bleak, like all of the bad thoughts I've tried to rid myself of over the past two and a half years are all rushing back. Because it isn't as if anything changes when I don't feel depressed, I just am better able to cope and put a little more of a positive spin on it. I'm not going to list all of the things I believe to be true, but I don't feel like a normal member of society; I feel branded, no matter how normal I want to be or try to be. And others tell me they don't see it, they tell me they are surprised to learn that I struggle with MI at all (i.e. still waters run deep). So I don't know...I don't know what it is about me. I just know that it's been like this since I was a little kid, and I'm now 36; I fear it will be like this forever. I can't do this forever.

Therapy has never helped me--therapy cannot make me normal, or erase the core beliefs I have had instilled in me since childhood. Therapy can't make people like me or include me, or make someone of the opposite sex take notice. It can't give me the family I've wanted or friends or any of the things I'm missing. And it can't rebuild my personality. I've put in a lot of work in the past with therapy...but it can only go so far, really. It can't make up for the things I've lost or am missing in my life.