{{{{{{{{{{{Esther}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. You can always come here and talk about it, and we'll understand.

I do hope you will think about therapy though, but I know what you mean about being a guinea pig and about people knowing. Been there, done that. And looking for a new T when there is one someplace that you would rather see is really hard. But there are good ones out there. Just keep looking! Don't let yourself get in too much of a hole before you get some help, ok?
Hang in there!