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Mar 08, 2015, 10:14 AM
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Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
Posts: 18,084
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I've also had the opposite, where someone used me as their dumping ground allllll the time. I wanted to help, I really did. I cared about them. But eventually things became a pattern and I didn't really exist in their life for anything but as someone to vent to and get help/sympathy from. I wasn't in the friendship/relationship at all - I was just the receptacle. For my own health I eventually have to leave those friendships because they become toxic - if I expressed myself at all I would be guilted or blamed or something. It wasn't fun. It would get to the point where I didn't feel like I could share anything happy in my life - or anything negative. Everything had to be about them and how miserable they were. They really aren't fun relationships/friendships to be in. You watch someone you care about digging themselves into a hole, and it gets to the point where you have to either leave or give up having any equality.
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Red Panda, I am currently in this sort of relationship with a friend. I am seriously reassessing the relationship. It drains me, which is not healthy for me.
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I understand that long term exposure to negativity can begin to wear on a person and their beginning to not really care anymore about the cause of the problem but rather focus on the results of the problem.
So if I'm having a bad day and I say something that is a sweeping generalization, its ok for the person I'm looking for support from to interpret it in the worst possible way.
Is that a way to live life - having to ensure that everything you say is phrased exactly correctly so you get some validation?
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Can I reframe what you said here? I've struggled with depression most of my life so I understand the world looking very negative. It helped me to catch myself before I made those sweeping negative comments, not to seek validation from the other person but to impact my own world view. If I think I have a crappy life, then my life is going to feel crappy to me. If I think "this was a crappy day" it allows me to acknowledge the day sucked, but was not my entire life.
Having said that, my father was someone who did not see the glass as half full or half empty. For him the glass was smashed to pieces on the floor. It was exhausting to live with. And I'll admit, after years of listening to it I just stopped listening. Mayhaps your wife is worn out by you making negative comments.
One last thought that no one else has brought up, could it be your wife also had a crappy day and was not in a place mentally or emotionally to deal with your crappy day too?
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