Quote:
Originally Posted by lizardlady
If I think I have a crappy life, then my life is going to feel crappy to me. If I think "this was a crappy day" it allows me to acknowledge the day sucked, but was not my entire life.
Having said that, my father was someone who did not see the glass as half full or half empty. For him the glass was smashed to pieces on the floor. It was exhausting to live with. And I'll admit, after years of listening to it I just stopped listening. Mayhaps your wife is worn out by you making negative comments.
One last thought that no one else has brought up, could it be your wife also had a crappy day and was not in a place mentally or emotionally to deal with your crappy day too?[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
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certainly she could have had a bad day - and she's on our school board so she has many - and you know what, I listen to every detail of it. no one, not even my wife, will ever say that I was not there for her (in fact, she will publicly acknowledge that I am always there for her).
others have mentioned balance and that's certainly a problem. there is a lack of balance.
at the end of the day, however, I can only fix me but I have to also remember that what is "wong" with me might not necessarily be what I've been told its been or believed its been for years. that's sort of what therapy woke up in me. That I am a good person who is caring and empathetic and responsible and that I am not always the problem and that I am valuable. My therapist once asked me "why do you think you are worthless" and what immediately popped into my head "well, because I am" - despite me knowing that this is absolutely not the truth. I have great kids, and a job that while I hate it, I do it quite well and have a built a large team of people that I believe respect me and that do tremendous work. so I am far from worthless and yet that thought pervades my daily life.
so if there is any balance to be adjusted, I can only adjust it on my end and that's what I'm trying to do. that effort of trying to take some of myself back however means that something on the other end gets pushed off. people don't like that when they've become used to certain things and see things starting to change. what's a positive change for me may not be a positive change for others.
one of the things that I'm trying to catch and reframe or acknowledge in addition to negative thinking is I'm trying to notice every time I do something considering what people will think of me. what I've seen is that I basically do things by putting my needs on the backburner and doing what other people need me to do and constantly worrying about what people will think of me and not wanting them to think negatively of me. that I see is my core problem for decades and hence the notion of trying to think outwardly rather than focusing internally
and this entire post is probably just in that context - to try to explain so people don't think negatively of me. you can call that whining or being a 3 year old or whatever but its what I'm working on.
how does any of what I said above actually relate to my original topic - I'm not even sure but I do know that I've been wasting a lot of time writing this that I should have been working on things around the house. I suppose I should try to tie in back into the original topic though. hmmmm.... its really all about balance, I guess. I have a list I try to read every morning - affirmations sort of but also reminders and Balance, Focus, Breathe, Be is one of the lines on that list.