O boy do I know what it is like to be in your shoes! I would constantly agonize that I was wasting time, space and resources that could be used by someone "more worthy" than myself. I would argue that those"good people" who are dying every day may not need to die if I gave them the resources I was needlessly consuming. Most of that thinking was in the throngs of a depression and seemed to get better when my meds kicked in. Some of it I needed to mentally fight using the techniques I read in David Burns' book Feeling Good. As starters I threw out of my vocabulary the terms worthy and unworthy. Then I made a list of things I wanted to do, things I felt mentally able to do, things I could do and things I could not do but wanted to do and felt mentally able to do.Those things that overlapped in the first three columns I dove into--gardening, reading, writing, puzzles, etc. and the last column I left for a time when I was feeling better. Now I'm learning the piano (something I always wanted to do but never learned)!
I had to first get over that worthy/ unworthy problem which was reaaly hard---I had these posterboards and cards that I made up and put around the house to remind me that since every person has equal worth then no one can be unworthy and then so the terms worthy and unworthy when applied to people are meaningless Just know you are not alone in this struggle and if we all help each other, none of us has to shoulder the burdens of life alone! Hope this helps...let me know how you are doing and God bless.