I think don't think she will accept it. I told her that I identify as a sub over a year ago. She told me she wonders if I'm suppressing being a Dom. I told her I didn't think so. But that was so long ago and I didn't tell her how important this is to me and how much it is eating at me. I've been resisting going into a relationship partially because I am scared, and partially because I am fully aware of the fact that I will not be truly sexually compatible with 80-90% of men I meet.

We also do have a mother/daughter dynamic to some extent and I know that her thinking about me getting off to pain and completely surrendering my power to a man makes her a little uncomfortable. She'll tell me I'm acting out past trauma. Maybe I am. It doesn't matter. Most people find it therapeutic anyway.

I really need her support in this. I can't just willy nilly seek out a D/s relationship. I could get hurt really badly really fast if I submit to the wrong man.