My eyes have been stinging all day with tears that can't/won't come. I don't know what to do, what to do with myself. I don't know why this is, how this is. It's just stuck there, behind my eyes, hurting. And I can't stop clenching my jaw, like the pressure from my eyes is pushing down on me. I want to scream. Stop breathing so loud, you're disturbing my silence. Leave me alone/don't go away. Don't tell me I was meant for it. That's such a horrible pathetic meaningless statement. I was meant for this torture then? Am I that worthless, that awful? Don't tell me I was meant for it. It's a horrible thing to say. I'm not that strong. I just am because if I'm not they will kill me.

I wish I knew how to make this feel okay. Or not okay. Or be able to share the feeling. Whatever the hell it is.

My head hurts.

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