Hi everyone. I'm new here, my name is Kat. I'm struggling and this month is so difficult for me. There's two separate anniversaries of assaults next week alone. Three years ago my exboyfriend beat me and raped me on the 14th of March. He assaulted me again three nights later during a St. Patrick's Day party. That assault still affects me badly. He attacked me after he thought I was flirting with his friend and he eventually held me hostage in a dirty freezing cold shed for hours until he passed out and I was able to escape in the morning...

Although I did process all of this in therapy a long while ago, I've been remembering more and more of my ex's abuse; not just the physical and sexual abuse, but the emotional abuse as well. There's alot of stuff still affecting me There's so much I must have repressed, so much I just haven't been able to face yet... and still don't want to admit to myself. I'm not in therapy right now, I'm waiting to see a new T since my old one left last fall.

Part of me wants to contact my ex and scream at him, but I know that's pointless and probably not great for my healing. I'm nowhere near ready to forgive him, if I'm ever able to do that. It seems impossible right now. But the more crap I remember, the more pain and anger and shame crashes through me, and I just want something, some kind of closure or justice or peace. I can't seem to move on.
Since it's been years since his last assault in August of 2012, I know I can't press charges but I was thinking of just reporting him to the police anyway... The cops did get involved during an incident of abuse but nothing really came out of it... I just keep feeling so guilty that I'm letting him get away with repeated rape and physical abuse (over the course of 4 years), and I pray that he won't abuse anyone else, just the thought of it makes me sick. I feel like I have to do something.

Has anyone ever reported their abuser to the cops long after the abuse ended? Any suggestions, advice, or words of encouragement are greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.

Kat