From one day to the next I don't if I want to be in a relationship or not. I have already ruined a 22 year marriage and now I'm ruining a 5 year relationship. My moods are swinging so rapidly I'm not sure from one moment to the next if I should call and tell him I want to see other people because he isn't making enough effort to be with me & I'm lonely. The next, I'm looking at weddings on pinterest & planning ours. Then, I don't want to be around anybody and turn my phone off, hoping no one will show up at my door. Then, I'm back to wondering why isn't he doing more to spend time with me. The sad part is: I can go through these multitude of emotions within a day, a few days, or if I'm lucky every few weeks.

I think I love him...because, I don't even know if I know what is.

I can't sleep...Have no appetite...