Talked today about it. How I struggle to make conversation. I asked T what-is-it-I-am-missing???????
T said "the relationship with your adoptive mother!"

It was like a lightbulb moment. Even though we have talked and talked about it before. Perhaps it was hearing it said in connection with my struggles to talk.
T said, you think sitting quite won't be accepted by others because you-were-never-accepted.
I felt tired at the end, I always do when something has been processed.
T said it is all the harder because it's invisible. Your mother gave you a social disability. But no one can see it.