Im mixed too at the moment, didnt start that way but has progressed now. Im drugged to the maximum allowed and I am still filled with this angry rage energy that I could do cartwheels and kick people in the face yet at the same time my legs feel heavy (but restless). i just want to be knocked out. I dont care if its an injection or a pill that will smash me for the rest of the week - just get me out of this state and keep me safe.

Ramones "I wana be sedated" has been in my head for 8 hours. Exactly what I want sedation that works. (and in saying that at home/baseline/depressed a 5mg zyprexa wafer can knock me out for 3 days, but tonight now I have had 20mg of wafers and a whole bunch of other meds (3 benzos, AD and AP).

I hope you find some stability soon. I really need to turn the puter off and go to bed but it is a scary concept being alone with my thoughts and no distraction like the computer.