Hi, Little Jay.

First and foremost, it is okay; it is okay to feel the way you feel. Paranoid thoughts are an unfortunate byproduct of anxiety. The simple fact that you say you know your thoughts are paranoid and absurd indicates that you are not paranoid, but are experiencing paranoid thoughts due to your anxiety. I have been where you are, and I have great empathy for you. It is mentally and physically taxing to be sucked into that world of paranoia and anxiety. At one point, I had become so increasingly introspective, that I began disassociating.

In my experience, I have found that acceptance and letting go is key. Have you ever tried meditating? If you have a smartphone, or any form of access to applications, I would suggest downloading and trying Headspace. It is amazing what breathing and meditating can do. It was the first time I truly felt relief from my thoughts. It was a much needed break, which sounds exactly like what you need. Anxiety makes it very difficult not to latch on to all of these negative thoughts, especially in the midst of an anxiety or panic attack. Accepting your thoughts (which is ONLY what they are--thoughts and nothing more) and emotions helps relieve yourself of that tension (fear), and letting go of them as well.

Seeking the help of a professional will help you confront all of this. However, in the meantime, seriously try the Headspace app. It was my saving grace, and continues to be.

Best of luck! I would love to know how it goes for you.