I'm having a really difficult time. I will see T tomorrow. There's other issues unrelated that are really weighing me down. Not a great time to expose the truth.

I was triggered yesterday by a dream (nightmare) dealing with abandonment and rejection by my T. I woke up with a panic attack that pretty much lasted most of the evening. The only way to get through it is to fight myself to stay numb. It's just not working anymore.

T eventually called me last night (she took longer than normal to return my call and I feared the worse). She knew by my voice message that I was in a bad place. I want to believe that she really cares but at this point I'm fighting it. She knows the truth now and I'm afraid what she will do with it.

Maybe I wasn't ready to tell the details? I remembered more than I thought I did. I tried to keep myself distracted from the truth, but other life stressors got in the way. It's all too much right now.