Your story sounds so much like mine. I have hopes that this will get better. I was also put on an AD in the beginning and it made my bipolar worse as well. After I destroyed my marriage, friendships, and my career was in shambles, I knew it was time for help. Hang in there. It will get better I'm sure of it. I tried looking at this diagnosis as a blessing (weird I know) because I finally had answers and could start treating the disease effectively. I'm sure I've had this for over 13 years and I'm just now able to manage it to some extent. So even though we aren't the lucky ones to have the disease, at least we know what we are fighting, and we are fighters.