((ErinBear))

Erin,

I agree with much of what has been shared here in this thread. Building a therapeutic relationship takes a long time. And sharing our innermost feelings requires trust. I used to have major anxiety at almost every session. It has taken me a long time to build up the trust beween me and T to a point where I no longer feel like I am exposing myself when I speak. Now, I can speak from my heart, while continuing to build the bond between me and T.

Try thinking about the therapeutic relationship, in the context of other relationships in our lives. It is not uncommon to take time to buld up a comfortable rapport before the love and deep sharing begin, is it? The only relationships that I am familiar with that begin on an intimate level are parent/child relationships. When you first start dating someone, you don't just blurt out your deepest, darkest secrets and feelings, nor do you have that kind of relationship with your family doctor on the first visit. It's amazing that we (or T) expect intimacy on the first date! Imagine an adolescent on the first day of school and what they would consider telling the kid sitting next to them......(probably some kind of self-inflating information!) The point is, I think it is human nature to want people to think the best of us, and that's not what therapy is about, but we resort to what comes naturally.

So, I vote for taking your time, and explaining to T just exactly what you are feeling; or better yet, write him a note and mail it so he gets it before your next session!

Good luck Erin.