Wow, new development on my end. I was asked today to set up a workstation for a new hire. When I asked for his job title, I was told that he was like me but would be more on the programming side. I looked him up on LinkedIn and he looks very much on the network administration side, senior to anything I've been allowed to do - and we are flying people over from the parent company to take care of senior level networking at the end of the month.

So that all makes me feel pretty paranoid. I need to tamp down that paranoia and just focus on the software stuff I want to do on my own. My thought is that my obvious reluctance and my request to be a contractor rather than an employee has led to this? It's sort of confusing. I don't know if I should ask directly or what. My boss is acting like everything is A-OK and I will continue to be there, but... it just makes me feel really insecure. My boyfriend pointed out that it would be kind of odd that they couldn't hire anyone for years and suddenly hired two people in two months... ugh. I need to stop this train of thought. How?!

That really sucks that your foot is still giving you trouble. Why on earth did you have to stand for so long at that meeting?? They should give people chairs! I always feel like a hobo at those things. It doesn't matter if I am wearing name brand stuff - I always flub a detail or somehow make it look like I just pulled it out of the trash can.

Don't beat yourself up for not being hyper-social. It's kind of hard to stay focused on baby conversations if you don't have a baby, or at least I find that to be the case. I really would like to be better at schmoozing... and dressing... and not so fat. It's not hard to get depressed when I think about this stuff.

It *is* thawing out here - we still have many feet of snow, but parts of the road are no longer covered in ice, at least...

How on earth can I go from not wanting a job to being upset that I might not have this job shortly?