|
Mar 09, 2015, 07:32 PM
|
|
|
|
Member Since: Mar 2015
Location: Boston
Posts: 2
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by helpme1414
I understand what she's going through and can empathize how it's making her feel, even if i don't understand the feelings or the effects bipolar has on her from personal experience.I can tell you right now that's a mistake your making right there. "I understand what she's going through..." No. No you don't. You don't have the 1st clue. And don't say that to her either. Nobody knows what someone who has bipolar is going through unless they themselves have the disease. And even then, each person is different. I can still witness the effects it has on her and imagine how painful, angering, lost, hopeless, and out of control she must feel. I do step back quite often when she says she doesn't want to talk, or her triggers have caused her to become so angry i know we can't resolve anything until it passes. And i wait. But the fights are increasing in frequency to where we now fight every other day and the fight will take days sometimes before she is calm again and able to talk. I'm scared, she is taking about leaving when she is angry and things are deteriorating. The help i need is support. Help for her and i to learn how to have a relationship and work through this together. I'm not here trying to fix her or blame her or anything in those regards. I'm looking for help for us and our family so we don't lose what was so wonderful because we couldn't find a way to handle this. That is what I'm desperately trying to find
|
I feel for you. I've been on this bus before. We are incredibly difficult to have a relationship with. The first thing you need to do is get that "I understand..." out of your head, and off your lips. 2nd, as "Miguels mom" suggested, therapy for yourself. Anyone who is in any sort of long term relationship with one of us is going to need therapy. We tend to do that to people.  No, seriously. It will not only help you as a person, but also help you to help her. They will be able to help you understand her, give you some tools to help your relationship, and some tools in some "what if" situations. 3rd, listen to her when she does talk to you. REALLY listen. Actually HEAR the words, and the meanings of the words she is saying. Not only the spoken, but the unspoken as well. 4th get to know us and our disease. There is a thread on here with a pretty good list of books running. There are a few on there about families with bipolar, etc. Or just go to your local bookstore and see what you can find on relationships and bipolar. She'll appreciate the effort you're putting in to learning more about how to cope/live with/love someone with bipolar. 5th BE PATIENT WITH HER. Know that this disability is not her. It does not define her, although there are times that it may control her. And as frustrating and aggravating as it is for you, put yourself in HER shoes once. How do you think SHE feels? (key word there being "think" because truly you'll never know, but imagine)
My partner and I were in a very similar situation as you are not so long ago. We had been together for a little over 4 years when all of a sudden it's like someone turned on a switch and I became jekyl and hyde. I made 3 serious attempts on my life in a span of 6 months. All of the things I suggested are things he did/still doing. We are still together today, going on 7 years.  It's not without it's a bit rocky times, but it's definitely much MUCH smoother sailing now.  He says he owes a lot to the therapy, and the books.
Best of luck to you kids! Check in here as often as you like. 
|