Hi kali, I commend you on your self discovery. I too am on the same journey. But as fars as the one that has kept the system safe and together, that would be me. I'm the one that nurtures this system, the one that keeps us grounded when things get really desperate. I'm the one that soothes and makes the bad times disappear. I take over when the end is near, when there is no more light at the end of the perceived tunnel. I'll wipe the tears from your eyes and give this world a set of new refreshing eyes. My name and always has been Susie for our system. I'm the one that saves us from self destruct. I'm thriving today because I'm good for the family life because, I care, I'm concerned, empathatic, motherly type, etc. hope you find that part that keeps you alive because she/he is there. It has to be. Without me we'd been gone long before now.