Quote:
Originally Posted by butterflypower
The caseworker noticed when I tell my life story how emotionally numb I am. How expressionless I am. It's scary to think of how emotionally numb I am. I think it's how I coped with life always surrounded by death. Another thing I noticed is that ever since I got help for my emotional health, I don't focus on my physical health. I wasn't worried. It was almost like I hoped I had a serious illness because I wanted to die. It's embarrassing to say how I wanted to die because it's hard for others to understand. I'm glad that I'm not obsessing over my health. I still have a lot of healing though.
I'm sorry for rambling by the way.
I just don't understand how Bipolar 1 is 'bad'. Is it the stigma?
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Who said it?
I don't believe they were referring to the stigma at all. I believe they were referring to the severity of symptoms in BP I.
I also wanted to identify with you on what you said, about being "emotionally numb." I experienced some trauma growing up (My sister was horribly bullied, suicidal, hospitalized twice. It started when I was 6), and I feel like the only way I can actually tell anyone about that, and many other things that have affected me, is by detaching. Otherwise I feel too much, and become vulnerable. I can easily impart my emotions in writing no problem. But speaking? It's very hard. I think for me it's somewhat of a defense mechanism.
It's embarrassing, but you're not alone. There are many people who understand.
