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Mar 09, 2015, 11:19 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2015
Location: Colorado
Posts: 14
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Thanks for the advice, but it is irrelevant now. She finally calmed enough to speak to me and had made it very clear what i feel is secondary to what she is feeling. I think she has a relationship going on the side and she doesn't want to hear about my "poor me" feelings. I guess that says it all. I appreciate your suggestions but it appears like i don't matter as much as i hoped i did. I won't be checking in anymore, unfortunately, i don't see a point anymore. Thank you again for the care and concern.
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Originally Posted by BionicBipolar
I feel for you. I've been on this bus before. We are incredibly difficult to have a relationship with. The first thing you need to do is get that "I understand..." out of your head, and off your lips. 2nd, as "Miguels mom" suggested, therapy for yourself. Anyone who is in any sort of long term relationship with one of us is going to need therapy. We tend to do that to people.  No, seriously. It will not only help you as a person, but also help you to help her. They will be able to help you understand her, give you some tools to help your relationship, and some tools in some "what if" situations. 3rd, listen to her when she does talk to you. REALLY listen. Actually HEAR the words, and the meanings of the words she is saying. Not only the spoken, but the unspoken as well. 4th get to know us and our disease. There is a thread on here with a pretty good list of books running. There are a few on there about families with bipolar, etc. Or just go to your local bookstore and see what you can find on relationships and bipolar. She'll appreciate the effort you're putting in to learning more about how to cope/live with/love someone with bipolar. 5th BE PATIENT WITH HER. Know that this disability is not her. It does not define her, although there are times that it may control her. And as frustrating and aggravating as it is for you, put yourself in HER shoes once. How do you think SHE feels? (key word there being "think" because truly you'll never know, but imagine)
My partner and I were in a very similar situation as you are not so long ago. We had been together for a little over 4 years when all of a sudden it's like someone turned on a switch and I became jekyl and hyde. I made 3 serious attempts on my life in a span of 6 months. All of the things I suggested are things he did/still doing. We are still together today, going on 7 years.  It's not without it's a bit rocky times, but it's definitely much MUCH smoother sailing now.  He says he owes a lot to the therapy, and the books.
Best of luck to you kids! Check in here as often as you like. 
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