My last year I have lived on my living room couch after the Angry Man let my partner know what most of us think. I'm out here 24/7. The kid goes in his room and isolates till we cook a daily gourmet meal and he comes out for 30 min. My partner I see for maybe an hour all day. For the most part, yall are my friends. For the most part, here I sit worrying about money, life, my family, totally segregated from life. I'm starting to freak out.

I'm scared to expose myself to other people. I'm seriously self conscious of my public image, regardless how messed up it is. A touch of pride holding together the illusion of normalcy. I crave so much more but am confined by my mind.

My problem is coping with other humans, so I'm always changing to fit in where I don't fit. I can either throw a crazy party and see who hangs around or seek out other crazies like me which is close to none. The party sounds so much better, but I got to wait till papers are signed, eventually. I've got a premonition that our life is about to do another right angle in another year like it's done several times before.

I'm just bumbling through life the best that I can, somewhat barely. The other part of me wants to just eat a

My life is warping every day, redefining itself. I've always have mental breakdowns about ths time. This is usually when my biggest disassociating happens and I become someone else. It might not happen this time because I've grown up and aware of the situation? Maybe it won't happen. Maybe I matured?

Only time can tell. Just venting. I'm so tired of being online. I've been online for 4 years. No need to respond thanx.