I only emailed T once this past 2 weeks, and she emailed me back. It was about all the ways I'm reaching out and expressing love, and she was happy for me.
I want to talk more about love tomorrow, and a child part wants to talk about the chapter I asked T to read in the book, One Child, by Torey Hayden. But what if my T didn't read that chapter? I didn't want to remind her because she told me at my last session that she would read it. It's 7 pages. Maybe I'm testing her? She also "forgot" my birthday and I don't know if she actually forgot or if that is her boundary. Probably the latter. I survived without her email though it would have been SO nice if she had emailed me. I could have emailed her again and mentioned it, but I didn't feel the urge to do so, and that is good!!

I know I will feel hurt if she didn't read the chapter yet, and it will throw me "off" when I want to talk about how short life is, and how I want to express love to people, including her. It was HER idea to read the chapter. I think I want to discuss it even if she didn't read it yet. I don't want to be disappointed. I can psych myself up to be okay with whether she read it or not, and whether she chose to ignore my birthday, or simply forgot (I don't want a discussion about Ts not mentioning client's birthdays, because once she sent me a happy birthday email, and kind of spoiled it for me, but she said she wasn't going to send one again. That's when we weren't emailing, though.

I think I am okay with this. Like I'm thinking: I love my T, in the sense of caring about her very much, so if she didn't have time to read the 7 pages, it's not the end of the world. LIkewise with my birthday. At first I thought I could cry about it in session, but whenever I think something might enable me to actually cry in my session, I logically talk myself out of it!

I don't know what I'm looking for in this thread. Maybe just hugs and reassurance it will go okay no matter what. When you see a T only every 2 weeks, it seems like there's more at stake. That child part needs to talk about love and people leaving!!!