Hello, as the title of this thread states, I'm new here. I just registered about five minutes ago. Let me just say, I'm SO happy to have found an online support group/forum for people with DID. I've been suffering with this disorder for years before I really figured out what was wrong with me. At first I was in denial. Then I had a nervous breakdown when I realized how sick in the head I really was. I felt alone and scared and didn't know where to turn. Even the thought of therapy scared me. During my nervous breakdown I desperately searched for some sort of support group, and was extremely upset when I couldn't find anything. I felt so alone. I thought, "Wow, I'm so messed up in the head they don't even have support groups for people like me!!" Now I found a group with people actively posting!! Let's just say I'm super excited.

My story s long, drawn out and crazy. And I'm sure all of your stories are just as crazy as mine. I started a blog where I talk about my issues from start to finish. If anyone's interested, imbox me and I'll send you the link. I'd really like some feedback on it if anyone cares. Currently I'm seeing a therapist, spiritual counselor and a psychiatrist. I'm taking Lexapro for my PTSD and right now I feel my symptoms are under control, but that's not always the case. Just last week I was sleeping all day and crying from desperation and loneliness. It just feels like no one understands, and like I'm unfixable.

One of the things that set me off last week was my therapist telling me she didn't think she could help me. She said she's never dealt with DID, and she "couldn't wrap her head around my case." I felt rejected, but I've been working on myself by myself anyway. Its nice to have found people who can relate to me. I've read that some psychologists don't believe DID is real, and I can understand why. I probably wouldn't believe either if it wasn't happening to me.

My major issue is that I have a sinister alter ego who takes over when I'm drunk or sleeping. I quit drinking January of 2014 in order to control my alter, but now she keeps me awake at night talking. It happens every night. Its the same personality that took over when I drank. It seems like my dominant personality can't be taken over unless its in a weakened state. For example, last July I was ran over by a truck. When I laid down my head to die, my alter took over and stayed awake until the ambulance came.

The issue with my alter is she is always trying to sabatoge me in dangerous ways. Once she gave out my personal info to strangers and told them to "stalk" me. My life has never been the same since. I mean... Who can you trust if you casn't trust yourself? My alters also sabatoges my relationships too. Its as if she is trying to ruin my life so I give up and she can take over. I'm just too strong to let her win when I'm awake, so she is taking drastic measures.

Ugh... This is all so upsetting. I'm not sure if anyone has a similar issues with their DID. If you do, please share. Or you can just stop by to say hi and introduce yourself. I hope to establish real connections in here with people who understand.

Thanks for listening,

Jen :-)