I've been seeing my T for 3 years now. She is totally awesome and most of the time I feel like she's heaven sent and a perfect match for me.
There have been some indications that she feels an unusually strong connection to me as well.
I have some major issues and she's made allowances specifically for me. I have her personal email and her personal cell number, which I've never called but have texted to.
I have had attachment issues, I don't trust anyone. I've never been attached or even wanted to until her.
So here's my issue. around the one year mark, she went away for a couple of weeks. I had major separation anxiety. I had no idea how strong and debilitating those emotions are. So, I thought if I could see a picture of her I'd feel better. I looked her up on FB. I feel if it's public for everyone else, it should be public for me. I got to see a couple pics and it did help some. Unfortunately, I accidentally sent a friend request. I swear it was totally by accident. Anyway when she got back, she pointed it out and said that she only uses FB for close friends and family. I felt like it would be a bad idea anyway. What if I become unstable and post accordingly and end up committing suicide. It's been very possible for me. Anyway, my latigious, biological mother would probably sue the pants off my T for not being aware. She sues everyone. I feared a malpractice issue.
So fast forward two years to now. Last week I got upset about something and I gave her an angry note and an angry email. She bit back a little bit. She doesn't normally do that. During our back and forth emails, she told me to friend request her because she wanted to share a post with me. Friending her on FB to read a post made me feel like the post was a big deal and I didn't want to read it because I was afraid. However, I can't refuse a request from her so I did it. The post was significant. It was about a patient she had 20 years ago, who had committed suicide. My T was very upset by it. She wrote a beautiful " "letter" to her former patient. She'd never lost a current t or former patient. Lately I've been talking about suicide. She had wanted me to read it because she wanted me to know how upsetting it was for her and she said being in the present, if I end up committing suicide, she'd be completely devestated. In the end I was glad I read it because I like putting our conversations in context. I can understand her better.
The thing is, I also read the comments on this post (I didn't read further down her timeline, but I did take a look at some of her pics. She's beautiful inside and out ). There was a comment there from one of her former patients that was in the program with the girl who took her life.
I asumed my T would defriend me a few hours after she accepted my request, but she didn't the entire weekend. I started thinking that I liked the idea of sharing our FBS now and I felt honored that she trusted me. I started thong she intended to stay friends.
So today, I go in and we talk about the post. Then she asked me to unfriend her. (She doesn't know how to do it, smh) Honestly, my feeling are really hurt. I feel like we're in a different place now and I don't understand why she doesn't trust me but she has a patient from long ago on her friends list. I'm hurt and jealous.
I need help!
I'm conflicted!
I'm confused!
I'm hurt!
I feel unimportant and insignificant. Maybe it's because she has done special things for me and treated me special and now my inner child is spoiled and throwing a tantrum.
Can anybody say something to help or explain? Please??