I feel similarly, though I'm an atheist. I'm looking forward to being nothing again after I die, just like I was before I was born. I don't like existing. I want to go back to not-existing. No more thoughts, no more memories, no more pain--that's my idea of heaven. I don't have any hope of recovery, I just want an end.

Maybe we can all get what we want somehow. The world is such a miserable place to be most of the time, it'd be nice if there was at least a happy ending to all the pain and futility.