Insane, maybe not the worst thing ever, but it's 'heavy', drains everything out of you.

There are definite triggers, i do my best to avoid them, i still have days where i have really bad dysphoria. I've been kind of 'numb' recently, did my best to avoid trans* support sites, and this 'transgender and other gender support' section of psych central too.

I wish everything would just stop for me right now, I can't even imagine what the future holds for me. I've always had big anxiety issues, and trouble socializing, and to be honest, I don't see it getting any better for me. I don't have much hope.

I can't figure out what I want to do with my life, because I feel like I was thrown into this. I didn't ask for this. I don't hate life, I just don't care. I wish I was a ghost. I feel like an alien on earth.

I'm just sort of 'existing', days come and go, weeks pass, happy new year, blah blah, and suddenly it's my birthday, and I'm a year older, I'm supposed to be happy, whatever.

I'm done trying to convince people that I may look 'okay' on the outside, heck, i might even be famous for my sense of humor, but inside, I'm not right, I'm not happy. My mom keeps insisting that I'm fine because I look 'fine' on the outside, to my family, I can't be depressed because they're great parents, they are great parents, and it's not really their fault that i have to put them through this.

I'll just keep living for now, yeah, whatever, **** it. I don't care anymore. each day is one step closer to the grave as they say,