I'm sorry you are dealing with so much loss. I know it seems like it will never end.

Are you seeing a therapist? If not, that might be a good place to start. Or you might want to talk to your doctor as it sounds like you are really depressed, too. I know the two kind of go together, but depression can be helped sometimes with short term medication therapy.

I encourage you to start a gratitude journal and list 3 things everyday that you are thankful for, even if it is just being thankful that you have a glass of water or that the sun is shining. It really helps if we find things to be grateful for, even if they are small things. I know today I'm really thankful that the sun is shining as my mood is worse when it is cloudy or rainy like yesterday.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other until things get better and they will. Life is full of ups and downs, some lasting longer than others.