I've been dating this guy for 3 months and have talked to him about how I would like to wait till marriage for sex. I had told him how I value security, honesty and trust in a relationship. Plus, which I haven't told him yet is that it's not all do to purity but also the fact I have a disorder and don't want to take risk with someone I don't know that well yet. There is 50/50 chance of me having a child that has worse symptoms than I did/do, which could end up being Autism. I do not want to have a child that would have to go through a life like that. He does know about my disorder though and what comes a long with it, which my flaws.

I can also tell you that I have not been this far into a relationship because of my disorder and medications that kept me from being emotionally aware of myself and being available. And of course still learning certain things as I go... which is just like everybody else.

But one thing is I don't think he sees my values very well. He's asked me certain questions and tells me things that I find to be too far, which are sexual. I do agree it's healthy to talk about sex in a relationship but I find it to be too early to be talking that far; I feel uncomfortable.

Though last night he was asking me if I did feel uncomfortable about him talking about it but I didn't have too much to say. (which happens to be a symptom: when I'm worn out and tired I hardly can express much and don't think to clearly.) I thought it was weird of him asking me if I felt uncomfortable of him think about me when he does dirty things. He did ask this after we had been kissing and touching each other for a long time and no, not down below. I feel we may have gone too far with all the physical affection. I didn't think too much about it until this morning when I felt hurt. I guess I just don't want to be tempted and that's what was going on, at both ends. Though one thing that bothered me was that he was making a joke about my clothes, which he said I didn't find anything skimpy. My thought was why would you think that when you know that I'm not that way.

It may seem that I am a religious person but I am not. I can say that I do value certain aspects of different religions though. I have never looked too deep into religions but I find them to be fascinating and do want to read more about them and I do want to become more spiritual too. I think by this situation happening last night though that it has helped me become more fully aware of myself and I take it as a good thing.

Of course you probably can see already that he isn't a virgin and of course has different view on religion and certain values, though he did tell me that he would like to look into them more. I know he is a good guy though because of all that we have talked about. When we had talked about me wanting to wait till marriage. He later had told me how he thinks sex is important to him in a relationship(before marriage) and I about ended the relationship due to that. He later told me that he will wait and had thought about what he had said because I am worth a lot and that I'm a sweet person. He had not come a cross a person like me and that he likes me "a lot". He can be pretty low on himself and not aware of himself a lot of the time. From what he has told me he hasn't been in good relationships, including friendships. With this relationship I think he is realizing it more too. He has been working on himself for a while...

But now I'm trying to think of what to say to him because of what all has happened, I am NOT thinking clearly and still have some hurt feelings lurking(plus some anxiety). I guess I need to be more clear on not going too far even though I feel I have told him before. I am going to be away for over a week with my family so I will not be around him. I think this will be healthy and let me think more clearly about this relationship later. I do like him but is this truly not going anywhere...? Is he thinking much about last night? hmmm? I'm sure a day or two I will think more clear on this and help on here will help too. I would like your thoughts because I am not exactly in the now and I'm sure it will help some...