For 17 years I was the manager and later the partner in charge of a real estate agency office dealing with the sale of residential property. I was often described by my peers as the consummate professional ; known for my honesty integrity and fairness. I won Estate Agent of the Year Awards. Despite this, I was always modest.

Briefly I have suffered from depression since 2008, if not earlier.

In 2010 somebody in my workplace found out about an embarassing congenital problem which my wife had experienced. I was subjected to anonymous emails which were threatening and blackmail in nature. I reported it to my senior business partner who said I should report it to the police. However, I thought the repercussions would be too severe and would affect innocent people like the culprit's family (I initially suspected an employee who was the son of my best friend) and also the embarassment of my wife's problem would have been public knowledge and cause ridicule and embarassment for her, myself and my sons.

Therefore I tried to appease my tormentor by ascertaining what the issues were and I even tried to meet what appeared to be demanded of me.*

Anyway, I became more paranoid and very depressed. I went on a sabbatical in 2012 and had a few therapy sessions with a psychiatrist and a psychologist. I was given anti-depressants which gave me awful side effects. I experienced hallucinations and heard voices. In June 2012 I was feeling terrible. Another junior colleague started spreading inaccurate rumours that I had a mental breakdown, would not be returning to the firm and he was taking over my job. I reacted by sending my senior partner an email to which he replied. I misinterpreted his reply and I sent a hastily written, ill-considered response which lost me the support and goodwill of my business partners.

I became suicidal. I had hallucinations. I decided that I must get access to the emails on my office computer and retrieve the emails and have them traced to the culprit and then my partners would see with their own eyes what I had been subjected to. However the senior partner would not allow me near the office ; perhaps because he feared who the culprit might be. I was distraught and suicidal. I emailed the Samaritans and decided the only way to prove the identify of the blackmailer was to gain access to the office by whatever means, but I failed.*

This was totally out of character. I had always been honest in everything i did ; personal and professional, but I had lost touch with reality and my reactions a judgement was totally lacking rational thought.

Regrettably I left the firm after 17 years. I have been suffering depression, remorse, guilt, trauma ever since.

What followed is a longish story which I can forward to you by a separate email if you wish.

I have tried to persuade my former partners ever since 2012 to allow access to my old PC and prove who the source of my problems was. But they are disinterested and I fear its because they cannot afford to lose the person I (and others) suspect.

I had never lied until after sending that fatal email in June 2012, and only because I was suicidal and obsessed in discovering who it was blackmailing me and then took advantage of my mental ill health and ruined my life and that of my family.

I am in continual torment ; partly because I cannot understand what went wrong with me. How I allowed the illness take control affect my thoughts and reactions ; for me to react in totally uncharacteristic ways. Also the torment of not being able to achieve closure by knowing for sure who it was who persecuted me for nearly two years.

Does mental ill health, psychosis, hallucinations cause prople to think irrationally, lose a sense of reality, loss of judgement - in my case doing some things which werr hitherto totally out of character and contrary to my previously high principles and morals ?

Can you help by giving your thoughts please ?

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