You are not a failure, but a person accomplishing quite a lot under dufficult circumstances, with little moral support. Just keep doing what you have been doing in the house, which sounds very fair to me. Get through your semester at school.

This may be a failing marriage. That's okay. Marriages don't always work out the way we hope and plan. You don't have to make a decision on that yet. You might leave that question until you finush this semester and see where you are at. No more leaving the house and sleeping on other people's couches. You stay and do the best you can, for now. You have been the best and most fair wife you knew how to be. Your continuing school was samething you two agreed on. Stick with it. If he is not satisfied with the marriage, then he is free to end it . . . in the proper, legal way. Do not you leave that house again, without seeing a lawyer.

I don't think you really knew this man before you married him. Some people are good at hiding who they are. Actually, we really never know anyone all that well, until we live with them. Now you are learning. Maybe, there is a cultural gap between you. It sounds like you placed a great deal of trust in this man that he may not be worthy of.

I don't know why he is acting this way, but I don't think it has much to do with you. I do not believe that people radically change. He probably was always screwy, and you are just now finding it out. You can not have the good marriage you hoped for with a man who is not too interesred in being a good husband . . . no matter how very hard you try. A man who kicks his wife out and doesn't care where she ends up sleeping is not interested in being a good husband. To me, it is just that simple. He is an immature baby who will not be a good husband to any woman, no matter how much cooking she does. I don't think that therapists can work miracles to change that.

Making a marriage work out well takes hard work from two good people who are devoted to each other's well-being. A bad person, or an immature person can make a marriage last by finding someone stupid who will put up with them. That might be what your husband really wants. So he is testing to see how stupid you are and what craziness you will put up with. His behavior just sounds like head games to me.

Someone achieving what you are achieving has intelligence. Even a very intelligent woman can be made a complete fool, if she will put up with it. So he acts this mean during the day, but turns lovey-dovey at bed time? Come on . . . you weren't born yesterday.

Be glad you are still young. Every woman wants her first marriage to be her final and forever marriage. Sometimes, we have bad luck and have to move on and try again. There are plenty of smart, high earning women who have good marriages to men who cooperate and share the job of cooking meals when that is necessary. Those men are mature. Talk to other women in your master's program who are married. Make some friends with women like that. Learn from them what is possible. And don't go bringing any child into this crazy situation for now. Is your husband American born, while you are not? Are you in a position of dependence with no family of your own nearby, while he has a family support system? Start reading on-line about domestic abuse. (It doesn't always involve a man beating you up.) You say he won't give you permission to buy pajamas? Hmmmm. Sounds like a control freak to me.

Stop looking for support from his father. Who do you think taught your husband his values? Just out of curiosity, how does your father-in-law treat his wife?