I don't feel constrained to one or the other. I just don't have any urge at the moment to be a top. Maybe that will change in the future, but all I know is where I am today.

I texted her last night that I know she wanted to for this week's session, take me to a mall and talk to me about clothing and what I would be comfortable wearing, but that I really need to sit down with her and talk to her about "something very important to me that is kind of really difficult to talk about". She said we can absolutely plan instead to discuss what I need to tell her, and I feel really insanely nervous to talk to "mom" about my deep love for bondage and masochism, but at the same time, so deeply relieved that I'm not lying to myself about this part of me anymore. I feel like I just took off a bra that was too tight.