Hello.

I've been feeling very lonely for a while now. I really don't know what to do anymore, my depression has snatched away all my motivation for life and the main problem with my depression, or rather what I perceive as the cause, is my loneliness.

Ever since I was a little kid I've been a hopeless romantic hoping to find the girl I could spend my life with. So while being 23 and feeling so lonely due to not being in a relationship may not me a societal norm in America, but for me it is quite normal because I've been a hopeless romantic for most of my life.

I've been in 5 relationship up to this point. My first one was with a girl I met on a dating site who ended up cheating on me and leaving me for someone else. My second through fifth relationships were from girls I've met on forums. The second girl I flew to go meet and things ended up not working out due to me being afraid to talk due to my avoidant personality disorder. The third girl lied to me about her whole life and then just randomly stopped talking to me. The fourth and fifth were both very sweet girls, but we just didn't have much in common so I couldn't feel any chemistry.

So those have been all my relationships up to this point and they have all started online, whether that is a good or bad thing I do not know, but it is the easiest for me because of my avoidant personality disorder making it hard for me to approach girls offline. When I was at college, girls would flirt with me and I'd get so nervous that I would just get very quiet or say a quick "Thanks." if it was in the form of a compliment. The area I live in is pretty crappy so there really isn't a way to meet girls around here and due to the local culture, most girls around where I live I wouldn't be interested in anyways. I tend to be more interested in girls who are deep, artsy, and/or intellectual so it can be hard finding someone.

There was a girl I met on here a while back who I really like, but due to her own struggles with her Bipolar Disorder, things just can't really work out as she often withdraws and becomes reserved. So I've pretty much given up hope on something developing with her and pretty much given up hope on ever finding someone, which leaves me most of the day lying around in bed, not interacting much with my family or dog, pretty much feeling like I've given up on life. I don't really know what to do anymore and really am not motivated anymore to do much at all.