i completely understand i thank you for being so concerned about me....
i know this isnt my household....but in the phillipino culture (well i at least in this household) they expect me to show how well i can "keep house" i am actually allowed to tell the youngest two to wash the dishes....or mop the floor....its getting everyone to listen and communicate that is the problem...i am trying to understanding and be really lenient and never complain because they are teenagers...and i remember being 15/16 and understanding abuse...i mean there is by far no means of abuse here...but i know they deserve to be kids....what i am trying to teach them though...as a friendly outsider....as a sister .....that if you do things on a daily basis....like clean the house top to bottom once a week and keep up on it...you will actually have less to do than when you let it go to wreck and ruin...and in the philipino culture as well....the parents dont really do much...they work...and when they come home they expected to be served...as they served their parents....its very hard for me to deal with that....because if i ever served my mother....i would be screamed at....we were taught to stay out of each others way....and that was the best thing to do...and a way to not get yelled at...its so hard trying to reprogram myself.....let alone to a whole different culture...my boyfriend keeps telling me i have walls up and thats what is so difficult...because honestly...his parents know nothing about my home life...or my personal life really....i mean they know basics...like goals and stuff...why they accept me is because they see how much their son loves me ....(thats what they told me from their mouths) and that if he loves me...its probably for a good reason...its hard because they dont know what i deal with on a daily basis...and it needs to be kept that way....but i think that is what is creating all the tension....and their suspicions....and their ideals.....how can i go from being abused because i came into my parents presence and said hello....to forcing myself to remembering and physically doing the whole close family, have to make my presence known, explaining my day, and asking for advice....that is probably what creates all the tension...it is my fault and i do take responsiblity for it...its just so hard to do you know? there will be no easy way to settle this....but i know it will turn out ok....i will see this weekend if it proves slightly successful....because i told the sister that it was her turn to clean the house this week...all of it....so we will see....