Yes, you have to post 5 I believe. Your voices, can you talk to them? Ask them why they do what they do? Tell them to chill out?

After 47 years I've got so many alters, it sounds like a subway station sometimes if they all jabber like when I ask for their opinions. But for the most part, about 5 is actually active and the rest stay quiet. Every now and then someone would shout out their opinion which has messed things up in the past. I've always talked to them all my life, it's part of my thinking process- a group effort. After being terrorized for 18 years, we all have a common bond.

We quit picking names because since we switch so many times we don't remeber who's who, so we just started calling ourselves by the job we do, at least the freshly discovered ones do. The named ones are already named. Being co-conscience is being aware of my others. Alter memories stay with alters, so memories fade away into a dream to disappear when we switch. We tend to share some memories, it takes awhile for someone to dig it out and share it so I stand there looking like I'm brain dead waiting on a memory, like what's your birthdate?.....uuuhhhh....waiting guys...Lol

My days are just segmented bits of time somewhat jumbled if I can remember any of it at all. I hate it when things disappear to sometimes reappear elsewhere. Or I can't remember what I just did. Or when I'm in a trance like daze doing things then it seems like a dream and I don't know if it really happened of not. Or I'm floating in my body watching me do things. It seems so unreal at times.

I was abused as a kid all the way to high school. My parents were my bullies. The whipping began as soon as I was able to walk and talk. My father would beat me as I crawled away begging to not kill me. This is so hard to write. I was an empty shell of a person, being bipolar didn't help none. I was able to dissassociate from the pain and be a happy kid again. But by the time I was a teenager, I was whooped, ready to die.

As an empty shell, all I am is a floating conscience with the alters filling in the blanks. I'm me, but I'm always an alter me. My host alter changes with the times. It's like I've lived 7 different lives so far.

I'm so used to living like this, It's my normal. The damage is so extent, I can't see it being repaired. I also hear how some of us don't want to change. I really don't think integration can be possible, I don't know.