Well, I've been actively reading everyone's posts and trying to reply, but the system wont publish them until I post more new threads. Or at least that's what I believe is wrong. Ugh. It's so frustrating! I understand they want to make sure I'm not spam or anything, but I'm just so excited to start communicating with other people like me!

I really don't have much to say at this moment, except I'm about to go to bed and I'm quite sure my alter will take over soon. She takes me over every night without fail for the past year now. Does anyone else have this issue? I'm thinking about trying a sleep medication in order to get myself into a deep sleep quicker. It's my thought that she takes over in that in-between state of asleep and awake. In my Google search I have found some interesting articles on something called "Sleep DID" which I believe I clearly have. What I do is way more profound than mere sleep walking or sleep talking.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD and feel the sleep issue may be connected to that as well. I often jump out of bed in the middle of the night with a huge rush of adrenaline and ready to fight, but what I'm fighting I couldn't tell you. Does anyone know of a good sleeping pill that won't make me too drowsy in the mornings? I have to wake up no later than 7am to take my son to school in the mornings, and need to be able to get up. Over sleeping is my biggest concern with a sleeping pill. I'm currently taking Lexapro 10mg for my PTSD.

I recently started hearing voices in my head, and I've read that's a good sign. The thing is they don't sound like anything special. It sounds like background noise mostly. Like I'm at a grocery store with my eyes closed. I can hear things going on around me in my head that are not really happening. I'm not sure if they are hallucinations, or just my alter hearing with her regular ears and I just happen to pick up on it sometimes.

I don't talk about these issues with anyone really. I'm afraid people would either think I'm crazy or just making it up. I'm even careful what I tell my therapist/psychiatrist because I don't want them thinking I'm schizophrenic or anything. When I came clean to a therapist and told her my whole story, she just told me I was delusional and needed medication or I wouldn't get better. She said she thought I had FTD or Formal Thought Disorder. Blah! I figured out what was wrong with me on my own. DID is what made the most sense, and I've been doing most of the work in my recovery by myself.

When I told my therapist I thought I had DID, she looked puzzled and surprised and said she couldn't help me. She said she would see me for a few more sessions, but that was it. I BASICALLY GOT A TWO WEEKS NOTICE FROM A THERAPIST. Lol. It was really sad actually. I believe it was then that Emo Jen took over for a while, and I just laid in bed and cried for days. I poured my heart out to my therapist and told her all my little secrets, and she rejected me mainly because she never had a client like me.

I think at least one of my personalities is a teenage girl. She came about when I experienced some extreme sexual trauma at age 18. I think I did such a good job of repressing everything back then, that the repressed trauma ended up forming it's own personality who wasn't able to mature with the rest of me. Unfortunately, she now takes over and reeks havoc on my life with her risky behavior and rebellious ways.

The most disturbing of all my alters is a Jen who I think is a straight up sociopath. She will lie. cheat and steal in order to get her way. And her favorite past time? It's tormenting me!! She is trying to drive me crazy. My favorite personality is my inner comedienne. She is hilarious and the flashes of memory I get from when she takes over are laugh out loud funny. Now I never seen it, but when I was in the hospital after my near fatal accident, my mom said I was straight up acting like I was six years old again. She said she has not seen me act like that since I was a little girl and it sort of freaked her out a bit. If the six year old was in fact and alter, I never use her anymore unless I'm dying.

The interesting thing is all my personalities are me. They are all 32 year old women named Jen. That's what I think led my disorder go undetected for years. I only realized it when my sociopath and inner teenager started disrupting my life, and I knew something was not right about me. I would say and do things 100% out of line with my normal behavior and not understand why. It wasn't until I started researching my symptoms that I found DID was a perfect match for my issues.

Anyway, I hope I'm not boring anyone with my long drawn out post here. As I said in an earlier thread, I'm new to this site and am still learning the ropes. I do know that I need to post at least five times in order to get full privileges of this site, so be expecting to read a lot more from me! I'm not sure how much detail I'm allowed use in this site, but if it's allowed I'll tell ya'll anything. I'm truly an open book and will give you all the gory details. After all I been through, and after what my alters have put me through, I have no shame ;-)









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In fact, I have a link on my profile to the blog I created where I tell my story in full detail if anyone is interested. Also, please exuse any typos from my first post. I did that through my phone and didn't realize how