Hi Miss C. I have had that wish - for me, it's a part of feeling suicidal. Usually after I have that wish, though, then I start thinking about how unpleasant a long illness would be.

Does your desire cause you guilt or anxiety?

I found some similar stories by people at The Experience Project if you want to read them. I Wish I Had A Terminal Disease : I Am Not Suicidal, But I'd Rather Be Dead Story & Experience