I was in an arms folded tight mood today in T. Talking about how if therapy means I will eventually become more extravert and meet people, then I dont want that!! I am happy accepting I am to scarred and reading a book.

T said that would be nice if that was a choice and not something I had to do one day.

I felt myself resisting that idea also, but its hanging around me this afternoon. I told T that I have my hubby and kids and thats enought.

T then said in such a quite voice, "and you have me"

I couldn't look at her, not that I do anyway but on one hand I so loved hearing that, but on the other I felt like it was a tease!

I said ot her later on that I dont trust her and don't believe she will always be there.

She replied "where would I go?"

I asked her how many kids she had today, never asked her a question before. She replied 2. I was ok with that! I remember her once saying could we change one of our days because her son had an appointment. I remember that hurting me so deep, the fact she had a son, someone else, but I felt ok that she does have children now!

I guess I must trust her more now to feel that she can have others in her life and still be there for me!

Still, that sentence, "you got me" has scared me a bit. Intimacy I guess, that scares me.