AnxiousGirl, I'm so sorry for the loss of such a special person in your life. Grief is different for everyone and everyone copes in their own way. Just because she wasn't your grandma, it doesn't mean that you didn't have a close, special bond.

I understand the concept of expecting to see her when you go to her house. I lived with my parents almost my entire life. My mom died 3 years ago. I kept forgetting she wasn't here anymore. Then my dad died a year and a half ago. I did CPR on him and was the one who told the ER doc to stop CPR. I was also the one who made my mom a DNR (do not resuscitate), per her instructions. I sleep in their bedroom now. You would think that, given all that, I wouldn't have a problem remembering they're gone. But I do. It still hurts badly. Yesterday was the first time I really cried in front of my T and it was a relief. IDK if I'll ever be able to cry in front of "civilians." I'm OK if I don't think about them not being here. But even just typing that is bringing on the tears.

Please tell your T about your pain. She needs to know. She can help you learn to cope. You will lose loved ones over the course of your life. It's a sad but true fact of life. Learning to cope with it now will help you in the future.