I can relate to this because I was conditioned to be a perfectionist as well. All throughout my elementary, and middle school years I didn't or couldn't receive less than A's and B's. I was identified gifted or advanced since I was small so I was made to believe that I was in a sense "better" than everyone else. I thought very highly of myself and of my intelligence. But as the case were I felt like I was pretending when I went to middle school. In elementary they didn't really specify academics through classes but there was of course classes that dealt with gifted children. In middle school, however, is where they separate your classes and classify your intelligence range. I was, of course, put into the S.A.S program and I think it's when I started to pretend.
My friends thought very highly of themselves and of everyone else just like I did at certain points. I'm not proud to say that by trying to fit in and do "cool" stuff I acted fake. I was still very smart but I tried to conform to everyone else. In the midst, of all that I joined a club to try to be popular and I was a Drill girl. I actually really liked it and continued but I felt as if I was trying to be something I wasn't. I was trying to be one of them. So in High school, now, I broke free of all that but then turn of events and I fell deep into depression and anxiety. I got my first F and D in high school and I was frightened to death to go home and face my mom. But I guess I was trying to break free of all these supposed chains that I failed all my semester classes in 10th grade. It's been really difficult to try to bring myself up from where I am so this really helped! Thank You!