For the last couple of days, I have had this urge to tell my closest friends (we are a group of five) about my struggle with self harm. They all know bits and pieces - One was there the very first time I ever did it, one asked why I started seeing T, and one knows that i'm in T and on an ssri now.

The only person who has seen my scars is my best friend, and she didn't think they were "that bad" (which is another story in itself, but i'll chalk her dismissal up to the drunken state we were in). We also never talk about it - ever.

I feel like it's this "secret" i'm keeping in. And lately i've had the urge to just confess. To tell them of my struggle. Tell them i'm on meds. I don't want to tell them my history. But what I can't figure out is why I want to tell them. What benefit is there in doing it? I've had this urge to just "talk" lately; so I emailed T about that. She was pleasantly receptive. So I was thinking maybe this urge was just part of that need to talk and would pass. But it's been a few days and it still hasn't. I also don't know if i'm in a hypomanic phase (I never know) and maybe thats why I feel this need to just tell all of my business.

I know I could talk this out with my T tomorrow, but I don't want her to ask about it or know about it because it kind of embarrasses me because I have no reason for doing it. What is this about?