To answer a few questions and address other issues, 1- My husband doesn't care for her much either and is fine with, basically, cutting ties. 2- I have thought about the family's feelings on the matter. I have remained civil for my kids, their kids, and my mother-in-law (whom, as far as I'm aware, are the only ones truly affected). I have chosen to keep my mouth shut in order to maintain a relationship I'm not fond of so as to not involve/hurt others. However, there comes a point when I have to be honest about my feelings/stand up for myself when I'm being knocked down. This was that point for me. I've become so stressed and sick from holding things in that it has become necessary for me to let it out. I can and do talk to my husband about it all and he only feels the same way I do and isn't able to offer anything other than support for how I feel things should be handled. He's wanted to say something from the beginning, but hasn't because the issue was solely between she and me, and I asked him not to (until recently). I am fine with being civil because, 3- the family is tight knit and we will have to be around them on many occasions. By civil, I mean being in decently close proximity without yelling/punching matches. << I'll explain that in minute. 4- The kid's mom was estranged before I came around. I've seen and talked to her many times though, because of our kids activities. I have her contact information because of a misunderstanding last year that I felt compelled to clear up, and have only used it twice, only regarding the kids. That particular issue is between her and my husband's brother, and I choose to believe his anger is more because of their issues than my actions.
All of this leads me to explain how things have, thus far, ended up. My mother-in-laws sister was in town this last week and she planned a family get together so everyone would have the chance to see her. Because of this situation, I was on edge the moment my husband's brother and family walked through the door. My husband and I talked and decided we needed to do our best to put on a face and try to just ignore them and have fun. They didn't realize that hes upset with them though, because my husband put off trying to have a conversation with his brother in hopes of avoiding a confrontation at this party. So it was annoying to us both that they were trying to be buddies with him while shunning me, but we pushed through. As the night went on I realized my resentment had mostly faded regarding the wife, when I noticed her making feeble attempts to interact with me and that I wasn't entirely aggravated. Toward the end of the party I noticed she was outside talking to visiting aunt (MILs sister), and I thought through my mindset and decided, since she wasn't surrounded, that I could try to talk things out. And we were fine. Disagreeing, but fine. Visiting aunt layed into me though, about my thoughts on being civil. The rumor is, that I told brother and wife that I don't want to be friends. Those weren't my words, but because it's true, I'm not fighting to defend. Aunt took that as a personal attack against her and the rest of the family and told me that I should never say that I don't need family. It was much worse than that but that was the basics. Brothers wife disappeared during all of this yelling and my husband came out (with the rest of the family following) to see his aunt hovering over me screaming while I'm kneeling down in tears. He yelled at her to stop yelling at me and his brother stepped in to yell at him to stop yelling at "his aunt". My husband yelled something back in my defense, and that led to a brawl. Everything happened so fast that I barely remember what led to what, but I had decided beforehand that if things got physical(this is now the 4th time his brother has put his hands on him, so it's something we've come to expect when things are bad),I wasn't going to just watch. I'm little, and that was a stupid decision, but my decision regardless. I remember trying to separate his brother from him (along with 3 guys), and the next thing I know I'm on the ground. I later found out that his brother had shoved me down. I don't remember if the fight kept going or not, I was pretty shaken and went in the house. I made the mistake of trying to separate my mother in law from my husband on my way in, which ended with her getting hurt, but thankfully we've talked things through and she's extremely understanding and forgiving.<< I bring that up because I know I'm not entirely innocent. That all being said, my husband is livid and we haven't heard from his brother or his wife since.
We've decided that, due to the fact that his brother has made it clear he doesn't care who he hurts when he's angry (not only did I get hurt, my husband got a bloody nose, and all 3 of the others involved ended up wounded. One even to the point of x-rays), he is no longer allowed to be around our kids without supervision. And that we are stepping back as much as we can. I've told my husband that regardless of what ends up being said, or what a situation brings up when we have to be around them, that we need to walk away. As someone mentioned, to not engage. If we have to physically leave, so be it.
But the whole situation has got me frustrated. There's no reason any of that needed to happen. I realize there is no taking it back, but I'm angry that things got that far.