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Originally Posted by JustShakey
Honestly I don't like her reaction much Mona... Like I said in your previous thread I think your tutors might be onto something...
Having said that I'm not so sure how I feel about your program either. From what little I know it seems like too much of a closed system.
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It is beginning to feel like a cult. Its called a community and everyone knows everyone and it doesn't feel safe anymore.
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Originally Posted by licketysplit
What does her heterosexuality have to do with eff all? Sheesh.
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AGREED. That's what hurt me the most. She knows how long I have been in the closet about this and now I just stepped back in because of her response. It really hurt me that she said the word "hetrosexual". I knew that she wasn't gay but she felt the need to defend her sexuality or to differentiate between the two and make being gay even more seperate.
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Originally Posted by Virginia1991
That is a horrible response. Maybe she was surprised and caught off guard. One does not need to be told "I am a heterosexual and in a relationship". She should have seen "your shame". I am going to tell you what my t said.....maybe it will make you feel better---
"This is not an abnormal thing to happen in therapy. It shows that our therapeutic relationship is good. It is going to be ok. It is ok for you to say your feelings. Feeling this way is understandable given your childhood. It is to be expected. It is ok. It is ok. It is ok (repeated like 8-9 times)."
The above was not said all at once but over the course of some time dealing with erotic/maternal transference.
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Thank you for sharing your ts response Virginia
I wish I had of experienced that from my t. She didn't see my shame because she was so invested in getting the information from me. I felt really wrong and dirty after her response and now I dont want to go back to her or my course. I wonder was there some feelings on her part because of her reaction. SHe really was only interested in my feelings towards her and she blushed for the first time and why did she need to say she was in a relationship. The pictures of her family are all over her therapy room.
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Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans
That sounds like a hard time. I wish she'd handled your feelings with more sensitivity.
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So do I and thats whats her huting the most is her insensitivity.
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Originally Posted by LindaLu
I've never heard of a T reacting with embarrassment like that. What's her training? Where'd she come from? W.T.F. Well, NEVER MIND the important thing is YOUR feelings are normal, her reaction was not. Sexual orientation is separate from feelings, but even if one of you were gay the issues are vulnerability and love which are good to explore in therapy, not squash. I'm sorry this happened.
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She is a gestalt therapist and Gestalt is ALL about the relationship. IN Gestalt, they call transference projection. Its basically the same thing. She didn't even try explore my feelings, which might have helped separate the yearning and longing from the sexual. I am not even sure if they are sexual but that was all t was interested in, was if I fancied her.
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Originally Posted by Myrto
That must haave taken you a lot of courage to tell her.
But yeah, her reaction is odd, to say the least.
Erotic transference happens all the time, regardless of the patient's sexual orientation, how does she not know that? Did she think you were hitting on her or something?
She should have validated your feelings, instead of "drawing a line".
Saying "I'm heterosexual" to someone revealing their feelings for you is appropriate in real life, not in a therapy setting.
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It did take a lot of courage and I am really regretting it now. I think that perhaps she thought that we could have had a relationship if she wasn't married and had lots of kids. Well thats how an interaction goes outside of therapy. I think this was her first experience with a client expressing their undying love to her. Gestalt training doesn't really facilitate practical training in issues around love and transference.
The whole session was odd and I feel so ashamed. I can never go back to her.