I think you are not off base expecting him to step up and contribute financially or otherwise. It’s a hard situation and feelings can get hurt on both ends.

Although your note explained your feelings it also put him on the defense right off the get go. He most likely is feeling emasculated due to not being able to contribute financially, but there are other ways to contribute when these hard times come along if you are willing to suggest that.

Try keeping in mind what you want in the end when talking to him or leaving a note and aim for that end goal, not just getting things off your chest to make you feel better. Talk to a girlfriend or your mom or sister to ***** and complain about his lack of appreciation and financial support. Then you get it off your chest and can come back to talk more calmly to him.

I thought you started off good, by being specific in your apology about snapping at him on the phone. However after that it gets a little obtrusive (this may not be a good word to use here) and puts him on the defense.

I hear you saying you not only want financial support from him but you would like for him to show you some appreciation for all the things you do. There’s nothing wrong with that and you deserve both.

Does he do anything around the house to help out? What are these goats, a chore he has around the house? Maybe tell him something specific about how you appreciate the things he does around the house, like, I appreciate how you take care of your goats, pick up your dishes, take out the trash, your effort in getting work when you can, the way you make love to me, mention some little things, (really pad his ego so he feels you notice and appreciate the things he does, even in these trying times), then follow up with, you know, I feel we should talk about the finances and find a path forward in getting bills paid with things being tighter right now. I feel stressed out about it and it would make me feel better if we could talk and figure out a plan forward. Ask him his thoughts and plans to provide more financial support, or support in doing more around the house.

I don’t know Dan or how he treats you, 19 years is really long, so there has to be something you guys love about each other. Find those things, make sure to thank him for everything or anything he does, even the little stuff, a compliment he gives you. Guys like to feel manly and like to feel they are making you happy. I believe if you show appreciation you will get it in return. Now, again I don’t know Dan, so maybe he isn’t thoughtful, or thankful or doesn’t express it, but that could be another subject to talk about once the finances are discussed.

Sorry for the long response – hope something I said helps. Good luck.