Hm. That all sounds really confusing. I'm not sure how I'd approach it, except to maybe come to some kind of peace with the fact that, at some point, the job will end. It might be next month or next year, but at some point... it will run its course. Hopefully getting comfortable with just that idea now will help create less anxiety when it actually happens (and maybe give you some mental space to look for other jobs?)...

Oh! I hate being in the situation that you are - when everyone seems to think one thing, and you've got to give them news that you know they're not going to like. It's so stressful! I'm sorry that they didn't understand from the start that the project needed more resources with specialized knowledge! Good luck with that!

re: the standing... I know, it's crazy! Some people seem to be really comfortable standing for that long (I think our director isn't bothered at all by it), but I was in the back leaning against a wall and trying to subtly stretch my back!

I haven't heard anything else about that project, and the project I'm on doesn't seem to need anything from me, especially as we brought on a new person. The new person is, of course, completely booked up on multiple projects . I feel like I'm going crazy! I don't understand why they want to pay me as much as they do, to sit around and do nothing!

We had someone come in and do a presentation on motivation/passion that was actually really interesting. He talked about a really big study that they did (it was huge, but I don't remember the exact number) - and how they came up with 5 types of people based on what motivates you:
- thinkers
- achievers
- caregivers
- builders (develop other people, into teamwork)
- reward-driven (similar to achievement, but like to get tangible benefits/public recognition - ie sales people motivated by commission)

I'm sure that I'm a thinker, but I think I'm partly, maybe an "achiever" also... and it drives me *crazy* that there's nothing for me to achieve - you know what I mean? I know the obvious thing is to go make up my own projects, and I'm not sure why I struggle with that, but... ugh... "frustrated underachieving achiever" feels like a good description of me!

I wonder if there's anything that would help re-energize you, to help with the depletion that the work is causing? I know what you mean, after my work-day, I haven't really wanted to do anything else... even though I'm not doing a lot of work, it's depressing enough that it just makes me feel beat up and exhausted. I don't know the answer, it's just a thought... it seems like if there was something that kind of "filled you back up" that might help give you the energy to think a little about your backup plan?

Or maybe you need a super extroverted sales-type person who can team up with you and "sell" your company, so that you can do they work, but they can handle finding the gigs.