Hello, I am David I am 26 years old never had a girlfriend have few friends most make fun of me, I blush a lot I am very shy and don't socialize and I don't know how to talk to people specially girls.
I am skinny and lonely person always at home in front of computer I tried to read book to boost my confidence but didn't work, I tried to do some exercise but I couldn't talk to people...

I see all my friends even some similar to my condition started to become successful specially around girls.

I really am depressed I cant make friends everyone is talking bad about me, I can't get a job I have no money I am a complete mess and I cannot afford a psych doc..

I am really having suicide thoughts, I started to not care about my life I drink a lot and drive like a maniac, it's like my fear of my life is gone.
The only thing keeping me from ending myself is my parents... I don't want to make them feel sad about me.

Please I really have the motivation to change, but every time I mess up badly and the depression increase and suicide thoughts increase too, and my anger level and my violence too.

HELP!