Quote:
Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2
Oh babe I feel for you, to be fighting yourself to live a functionable life. I'm glad you are seeing a therapist here soon.
Have you tried taking a notebook and writing what you want the other to know or ask and let the other answer back on it? I also did auto handwriting, which is wild to see your hand writing with out any real effort. I've been doing it for years it's easy now.
Co-conscience is I'm aware of my alters. I'm aware of what's happening but as a different person. It's like a carnival ride. Everything is on automatic. Sometimes I'm missing time. New memories disappear into the darkness.
I have alters that keeps my bad alters in check. They are like guards. I told you about Angry Man, I got the guards tipsy and they failed.
Check this out:
Alter - Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dissociation and Trauma Disorders |
Alwayschanging2,
Thank you so much for the link! The funny thing about it is I recently purchased a book on DID and was reading about the different types of alters. It was very enlightening to find I had most of the alters, but in fragmented forms.
I have an emotional alter who is extremely emo and suicidal. All this girl does is cry. She has the world on her shoulders.
I have the funny alter with self defeating humor and is very sarcastic
I have the angry alter who yells and screams until she gets her way. She just wants to be heard it seems like.
I have an alter who acts out sexually. Its as if I put my whole sexuality into another person. She puts herself in the same situations where she can get hurt. She will sleep with strangers at bars. I've been with more men I care to admit to, and can't tell you why. Its like I'm on repeat, doing the same things like a broken record. I've spent considerable time talking about this girl because it's the one who is dangerous.
I have an higher self who seems to have the ability too see into the hearts of all my alters. She is pure and a good person.
Then I have an alter obsessed with ruining my life. She is the one who talks every night.
As I mentioned some of these beings are fragments and seem to latch on to my host personality. It almost seems like I'm possessed by them. They seem to have the ability to completely take over when I've been drinking. Sometimes only one drink will cause a blackout followed by very strange and inappropriate behavior. That's why I quit drinking. The one who takes over when I'm asleep seems to be the strongest.
I'm not sure if I have full blown DID since my symptoms aren't as severe as other peoples, but there is something very strange going on inside my head, and DID seems to make the most sense. I'm a Christian and believe in demon possession, but I know I'm not possessed because I can go to church and read the bible without incident. Maybe its just an interesting form of PTSD I have.
My theory is a very lonely childhood with severe neglect had me retreate to inside my head. That's when my personality started to split. The trauma which happened at 18, and the three years of emotional abuse which happened after, caused it to worsen. It wasn't until the last two traumas that I really started to notice my behavior get strange. I know everything you read says DID starts in early childhood, but that's not the case with me. I don't fit neatly into any category, and that makes it hard to figure out what's wrong with me.
I'm starting to become disinherited by this whole thing. Maybe I don't have DID. Maybe I'm wrong and have something else. And I can't fix myself until I figure out what's wrong.