My mind has been racing again all day. I think I'll be able to sleep tonight but the anxiety this evening has been horrible inspite of trying everything to stop them over and over. Several different things today had me thinking about my old job and I just can't help but be annoyed as I still have so much anger. My friends there when things were going bad were so supportive, they were worried about the VP taking advantage of me and they said they'd catch my back. Its been almost exactly one full year now and not once have they asked how I'm doing, shown any concern, come to visit (they explicitly promised after I got out of the hospital that they would visit and would stay in touch) and I'm not only so hurt by that but lots of other people have done the same thing over the course of the past year so I have to wonder just what is wrong with me that I'm just on the back burner of everyone's "care" list? I'm always seeing the people around me rally around each other for support, on birthdays, deaths in the family. People always cancel plans for my birthday because they have other engagements but all the other birthdays people go out of their way to celebrate and I spend my birthdays alone. Today again I asked for some support and got excuses. Maybe I smell or something. Or maybe I'm just too old for the group I've thought myself part of. I don't know. I just want to get some sleep tonight.