I'm so sorry you were that low that ending your life seemed like the only way out. I've been having those feelings lately for the first time in my life (I'm 22) it's scary to feel that trapped, like things will never get better and there's just no hope anymore. That's where I'm at right now. Idk what id do without my boyfriend... Hes supporting both of us. I can't hold a job cause most days i just CAN'T wake up to save my life!! I used to be such a early bird I miss that so much ): I applied for disability but it's such a long process to get approved! I saw my new psychiatrist & I'm back on the celexa thank God!! & Klonopin 2X daily & still the adderall but it is what it is /; how did yr appointment w/new Dr go?? I have to find a new therapist I'm pretty nervous about tthat. Idk if I should go with a girl or a guy? I've always had a girl & it's never been successful so maybe I should switch it up idk... But I heard this song on my Pandora & I couldn't believe how perfectly it described how I feel! During my dissociation. It's like God was sending me a message (idk if yr religious?) but I had to take it as a sign. anyways you should check it out on youtube its called "Wake Up" By "NF" they're a christian based rap group I've gotten really into them lately. So I hope you can relate too here's the lyrics...
* You spend your life In a dream that you can't escape, Cause you live your life in a coma-You're never awake.
* If you'd open your eyes Then maybe you'd see whats at stake. You're sleeping, You're sleeping.
* You make a lot of money and you live in a mansion, And pretty much got everything that you could ever imagine. But you feel like even though you've got everything in the world-You've got nothing.
* So what do you do? You start going backwards-running in a direction and looking for something that isn't real. And all you know is you've just gotta have it.
* What you're doing is sleeping And thinking that you're awake and you're not, And the problem is that you don't know what you're after So you put everything that you have in to what you do, Hoping that one day maybe you don't have to feel like your empty.
* But as you get older A lot of weight on your shoulders is getting heavy then you look back And you start to regret things.
* You only get one life And every time you look at yours You feel like everything you have is a waste.
* And the problem and the reason you could never fill a hole in your life Is because you were never awake.
* You spend your life In a dream that you can't escape cause you live your life in a coma-Your never awake.
* WAKE UP. You wake up in the morning But feel like you never got up and went to work And you're feeling like you dont have a purpose And youre trying to get motivated But everything that you do turns into a mess Like youre nothing but worthless.
* And you look around, A lot of these other people youre looking at-To you, you describe as perfect, So you point a finger at God and tell him to do his job And fix your life up cause nothing is working! And you will try to hide And then make it seem like it's nothing, But really you feel like everything is crashing around you, And you developed a problem in trusting in other people, Which later became an issue that would mentally pound you.
* You only get one life But every time youre looking at yours You feel like all you ever see are mistakes, And the problem and the reason you could never move forward in life Is because you were never awake.
* Wake up. You spend your life In a dream that you can't escape-WAKE UP!! You spend youre life In a dream that you can't escape... escape... escape... Cause you live your life in a dream-Your never awake.

I'm so sorry you were that low that ending your life seemed like the only way out. I've been having those feelings lately for the first time in my life (I'm 22) it's scary to feel that trapped, like things will never get better and there's just no hope anymore. That's where I'm at right now. Idk what id do without my boyfriend... Hes supporting both of us. I can't hold a job cause most days i just CAN'T wake up to save my life!! I used to be such a early bird I miss that so much ): I applied for disability but it's such a long process to get approved! I saw my new psychiatrist & I'm back on the celexa thank God!! & Klonopin 2X daily & still the adderall but it is what it is /; how did yr appointment w/new Dr go?? I have to find a new therapist I'm pretty nervous about tthat. Idk if I should go with a girl or a guy? I've always had a girl & it's never been successful so maybe I should switch it up idk... But I heard this song on my Pandora & I couldn't believe how perfectly it described how I feel! It's like God was sending me a message (idk if yr religious?) but I had to take it as a sign anyways you should check it out on youtube its called "Wake Up" By "NF" they're a christian based rap group I've gotten really into them lately. So I hope you can relate too here's the lyrics...